Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional 'pain relievers.' 

 Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

 Achy muscles from a bout of the flu?   Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

   Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. 

 Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never advertised for this use. 

  Honey remedy for skin blemishes Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight. 

 Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again. 

 Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them. 

 Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer .. If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly. 

 Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue. 

 Hunt's tomato paste boil cure. cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head. 

 Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.

 Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

 Quaker Oats for fast pain relief. It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain. 

“Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.”

The use of vegetable oils on parasites very well may drown a few of the pests, but ensuring total elimination cannot possibly be guaranteed. Wesson corn oil should not be singled out, as all corn oil should function similarly. This remedy is listed as a 3 day process, but an ear mite egg does not hatch for up to 4 days.[1] Even if it worked in smothering all of the mites, the newly hatched eggs would continue the infestation. Occasionally, ear mites can penetrate the ear drum and go deeper into the ear[2] where corn oil should definitely not be poured due to health risks on the animal. Corn oil is a polyunsaturated fat,[3] a trans fat that is not healthy for consumption. It is curious that not only corn oil is specified in this treatment, but the brand Wesson. The use of oil to smother parasites (from ear mites to lice) can be found in old remedy books, but all vegetable oils are included and product names are certainly not mentioned. Because of the life cycle of the mite egg, the use of oil on pet ears may just cause unnecessary build-up or skin irritation if the pet has a corn allergy.[4]

“Kills fleas instantly... Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.”

Similarly to the corn oil, it would not be surprising if Dawn dishwashing detergent succeeded in smothering a few adult fleas, but would it be able to also kill the eggs, which sometimes take up to two weeks to hatch?[5] Additionally, the chemical components of the soap may be harsh, especially on animals with sensitive skin. The process of getting rid of fleas is a much bigger job than a quick shampoo (or dishwashing detergent) bath, as larvae and eggs are often infesting the environment the animal lives in and can be found in bedding, carpet, and furniture.[6] Cleaning the environment is essential and if it’s not done, pets will most likely be infested again in short order. Shampoos lathered directly on beloved pets should be made with natural ingredients, as any harsh chemicals can be absorbed through the skin.

“Rainy day cure for dog odor.  Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.”

According to the Material Safety Data Sheet on Bounce dryer sheets from The Proctor & Gamble Company, there are both acute and chronic health hazards for Bounce dryer sheets that may result from skin contact.[7] Not only can prolonged skin and eye contact produce unwanted irritations, but “oral ingestion may result in mild gastrointestinal irritation with nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea.”[8] Considering the tendencies pets have to groom themselves, it should be assumed that they may ingest any chemicals used on their bodies. In fact, right off of the box of Bounce dryer sheets, a warning reads, “Keep out of reach of toddlers and pets to avoid accidental ingestion.”[9] The perfume used for scent can promote topical and nasal allergies. Bounce dryer sheets also have a slight flammability rating,[10] which is a dangerous trade-off for a dog that smells ‘springtime fresh.’ It is probably best to stick with the advice on the box and keep this product as far away from pets as possible. 

“Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional 'pain relievers.'”

What this claim is referring to is Gatorade’s ability to assist a dehydrated body, which reveals itself with many symptoms including headaches.[11] Headaches are one of the most common symptoms of dehydration. Gatorade helps to hydrate a thirsty body due to its water content and to replenish electrolytes with its salt content, but the same desired result can be achieved with water and a salty snack. In fact, in the case of dehydration, there is no better remedy than water itself.[12] Gatorade contains harmful ingredients such as processed sugars (sucrose syrup and glucose-fructose syrup), artificial flavors, and artificial colors (such as yellow 5).[13] For ideal health, artificial additives and colors should be avoided. Headaches caused by dehydration can be cured safely by drinking distilled water as opposed to Gatorade, which cures dehydration but with unnecessary artificial additives. Furthermore, headaches caused by other factors (medication, chemicals, lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, stress, head injuries, hormonal changes, television, smoking, allergies, etc.[14]) are unlikely to be affected by Gatorade. Dehydration is likely to be the main cause for most headaches, but for those that arise because of something else, the source of the problem must be addressed to relieve symptoms. 

“ Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.”

According to Dr. Baumann, the myth that toothpaste (not Colgate specifically) can decrease inflammation on the skin goes back to times when toothpaste regularly contained zinc.[15] Zinc assists in the healing process of wounded skin[16] and is actually found in most diaper rash creams. Since zinc is no longer a main ingredient of toothpaste, the claim that Colgate can work as a salve for burns is outdated and no longer true. On top of that, fluoride is added to toothpaste and this chemical is a proven irritant which can damage tooth enamel permanently in a condition known as dental fluorosis.[17] Fluoride should not be used even on teeth, and definitely not directly on injured skin. Rather than treating burnt skin with harsh chemicals, it would be better to run cool water over the burn and use an aloe vera cream throughout the healing process.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Peppermint can be used for a variety of medicinal purposes including clearing a stuffy nose[18], but why go for the Altoid brand which is laden with artificial flavors and processed sugars[19] when you can go straight for the pure peppermint extract, which won’t harm your health in other ways? As with several of these claims, the actual ingredient that can be used medicinally is not mentioned, but a product that includes that ingredient is (and it always also includes several other unwanted ingredients). Before you head to a drugstore for a box of Altoids filled with unnecessary additives, why not consider buying the pure essential peppermint oil itself?  It would be a worthwhile addition to any medicine cabinet, as its uses go even beyond treating nasal congestion.  Peppermint aides in digestion, muscle relaxation, circulation, stress relief, and as a stimulating air freshener.[20] It is also more effective in its natural form than it would be after being processed into a breath mint. Stuffy noses can also be cleared with nasal salines (homemade with distilled water and sea salt), spicy food, and humidifiers.[21]

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu?   Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

There are not very many remedies on this list that have absolutely no mention of a product, but this is one of them. Ironically enough, it is also one of the only ones that may be worth trying at home. The healing properties of both horseradish and extra virgin olive oil are so extensive, that it is reasonable to believe that the combination would assist in aching muscles. Because of olive oil’s soothing effects on the skin, it has long been combined with other herbs such as chamomile as a healing soak. Researchers have identified a compound in extra virgin olive oil called oleocanthal, which has anti-inflammatory properties.[22] Its effect on pain is similar to ibuprofen, but on a smaller scale. Unlike ibuprofen, extra virgin olive oil contains no questionable chemicals and its long term use supports overall health. Horseradish used topically increases circulation to the area where it’s applied and can help lessen joint and muscle pains.[23] When taken orally, its medicinal uses cover digestive problems, respiratory problems, and rheumatism.[24] A combination of extra virgin olive oil and horseradish can be a soothing remedy, especially if used routinely on aching muscles. If results are not immediate enough, a hot bath with Epsom salts may offer relief. Topical application of castor oil also alleviates muscles aches.[25]

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Although this doesn’t mention the name of a product, it does quite suspiciously include a picture of the brand Aunt Sue’s Honey. Perhaps this was done intentionally.  Whatever the case, raw honey in general (and not a specific brand) has been long used as a treatment for sore throats.[26] Because of the antioxidants found in raw honey, its use can alleviate the symptoms of an inflamed throat. Its popularity has gone beyond the realm of holistic health and its use has even made it to mainstream cough drops (similarly to how peppermint found its way into Altoids). Apple cider vinegar has also been found to have healing effects and the combination of apple cider vinegar with honey is a powerful elixir for health that has been passed down for many generations.[27] Because many of the health ailments people face are rooted in the acidic environment of their bodies, the combination of these two alkalizing cures can help with everything from arthritis to high blood pressure by neutralizing body acid.[28] By bringing the body’s pH level to a more alkaline state, the growth of diseases (many of which thrive on acidity) is discouraged.[29] The potion is also beneficial for detoxification and fighting bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Because it attacks the virus that causes the sore throat, it aims to cure the source rather than just the symptom (although the honey also soothes the symptoms). For optimal results buy unpasteurized, organic apple cider vinegar and raw organic honey. Dilute the mixture with water to avoid teeth enamel erosion.[30]

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product has never been advertised for this use.

Alka-Seltzer is mainly made up of aspirin and baking soda.[31] Aspirin has been linked with increased risk of cancers, stomach ulcers, and kidney damage.[32]  Alka-Seltzer is such a powerful drug that its use is not at all recommended for children because it has been linked to a fatal disease called Reye’s Disease, which causes the failure of multiple organs (this is also true of aspirin). [33] The other ingredient of Alka-Seltzer, baking soda has been used holistically to neutralize urinary tract infections by raising the pH of acidic urine.[34] Why pollute your body with the harmful aspirin found in Alka-Seltzer when it is actually the baking soda that’s doing the trick? The apple cider vinegar and raw honey concoction mentioned above would also serve the same function if used for this problem. Cranberry juice is antibacterial and because a urinary tract infection is caused by bacteria, drinking plenty of cranberry juice is one of the best cures for clearing the infection. Supplementing with probiotics would also assist your body’s defense against harmful bacteria.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes. Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Raw honey indeed works wonders on the skin and can open pores and serve as an antibacterial cleanse for damaged skin.[35] The healing properties of raw honey are widely studied and acknowledged as fact. It’s interesting that in this list of remedies, the product “Band-Aid” is not only mentioned, but underlined and pictured. The use of a bandage is not necessary to elicit the wonders of honey, and the use of Band-Aid brand specifically definitely should merit no place on a list of “Grandma’s Cures.” Acne is caused by clogged pores,[36] so rather than covering up blemishes with smothering bandages, it would be much more sensible to keep them clean and oxygenated. Rather than covering up the blemish with a bandage, it would be more effective to leave the honey on as a face mask for 30 minutes and then rinse it off. 

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

In fact, Listerine has a very strong antifungal property, but it is unfortunately combined with harsh chemicals and alcohol, making it a hazard to the body. A toxic by-product of alcohol called acetaldehyde is suspected to be a carcinogen which can build up in the mouth, leading to oral cancers.[37] Listerine and all alcoholic mouthwashes are therefore unsafe for people conscientious of the accumulation of carcinogens in their bodies. Fortunately, one of the primary fungicides in Listerine comes from a natural antiseptic called thymol which can also be found in oil of oregano.[38] Another natural antiseptic commonly used for toenail fungus is tea tree oil.[39] These topical applications can be combined with antifungal foods taken orally like garlic, to fight the problem from the inside as well. By seeking natural fungicides, the unwanted growths can be removed safely without the erosive and carcinogenic effects of a Listerine soak. All products with carcinogens should be avoided, even if the use is temporary, because chemicals build up and stagnate in the body over time.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Due to the adhesive effect of nail polish, it is reasonable to assume that a drop used on a small screw could help dry the piece in place.[40] It is not clear why in this massively produced list of remedies, the brand Maybelline Crystal Clear is specified for use, as the hardening effect of nail polish can certainly be found in a variety of brands.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer .. If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

 Formula 409 contains ethylene oxide, which is a suspected carcinogen for humans and a verified carcinogen for animals.[41] Of course it would kill insects; it is a poison across the animal kingdom! In houses of people who have pets or of people who are concerned about the chemicals to which they expose their families, Formula 409 is highly discouraged for use in any way. It is not a product that should even be kept in the house, especially when there are natural household cleaners like vinegar, baking soda, and lemon juice.[42] The chemicals in household cleaners can be inhaled and act as respiratory allergens, increasing the risk of bronchial ailments like asthma in both children and adults. The fact that ethylene oxide is a confirmed carcinogen for animals means that the use of Formula 409 is unsafe around cats, dogs, birds and most likely even humans. Most insecticides also contain an array of poisons and dangerous chemicals. The best solution to this problem would be to guide the insect out the door or window and avoid unnecessary killing all together.

Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

This is a clever trick for removing a splinter, but once again, why Elmer’s Glue? According to the Material Safety Data Sheet for Elmer’s Glue-All, it can irritate skin, eyes, and lungs (if inhaled).[43] Even though the risk is slight, exposure to all chemicals should be kept as minimal as possible. Would this technique work? If wood glue specifically is used and enough of the splinter is exposed, it very well may create a strong enough adhesion to pull it out.[44] If the splinter is too deep inside the skin, however, the glue may not be able to stick to enough of the wood to grab a hold of it. Only if enough of the splinter is exposed will the glue adhere, but if enough of it is exposed, it might as well be tweezed. If the splinter is too deep in the skin, thin layers of skin will need to be peeled by a needle or other pointed object in order to pull the splinter out with a pair of tweezers. 

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure. Cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

To treat boils, a daily moist heat compress may hasten the healing process while garlic and onion juice may help draw it to a head.[45] Like garlic and onions, tomatoes are acidic and would also encourage the healing process. Tomato paste is rich in lycopene, which contains vitamin A and vitamin C, both of which assist in healing damaged skin.[46] As is important to note in almost every one of these remedies, the brand Hunt’s Tomato Paste does not hold any special powers that aren’t offered by all tomatoes. Because boils are caused by a bacterium called Staphylococcus aureus,[47], it would be helpful to eat garlic and take probiotics to fight the infection from the inside out. Castor oil has also been known to draw out infection and detoxify the body. A daily heat compress over castor oil will help draw out the pus.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine a powerful antiseptic.

As mentioned before, the use of mouthwash has been linked with oral cancers and tooth erosion.[48] While it may work as an antiseptic for cold sores and other broken blisters, it disrupts the pH balance of your mouth. Applied on broken skin, its alcohol content might cause burning. According to a study from the Southern California University of Health Sciences, an amino acid called lysine has proven to reduce cold sores (blisters caused by the herpes simplex virus). [49]  Topical ointments of lysine would be much more agreeable to sensitive skin than the burning alcohol in Listerine, and without the carcinogenic build-up.

Vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process

This is only the second remedy on the list that makes absolutely no mention of a specific brand. It, too, is worth trying at home. Vinegar is among the oldest of home remedy alternatives and has been used for a variety of purposes. Apple cider vinegar is especially useful with its rich vitamin and mineral content, but white vinegar also has its medicinal uses (and is easier on the skin). [50] White vinegar can treat skin abrasions, insect bites, burns, and itchy skin.[51] It is also proven to help with blood stagnation, a condition which is present when the skin is bruised.[52] 

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief. It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain. 

Once again, it is peculiar that this list specifies the brand Quaker Oats as a remedy instead of discussing the oats themselves. The health benefits of including oats in your diet are abundant. Topical application has been cited for everything from beauty tips to itch relief. Oats contain manganese, a chemical that has been associated with relief of arthritis pain.[53] Direct soaks are an excellent way to absorb nutrients through the pores of the skin. For body aches or all-over itching, hot oatmeal baths are an excellent and calming activity that can produce desirable results. It isn’t even necessary to use a specific brand! Concerning microwaving oats in a bowl for one minute, a better plan would be to avoid irradiating your food at all. Microwaves damage nutrients with their strong electric field,[54] rendering the healing effects of oatmeal useless and risking negative health effects. It would be better to heat water for oats on a stove than it would be to use a microwave.

* * *

While this list does indeed contain a few kernels of wisdom, it also contains several half-truths, or truths that don’t quite take the bigger picture into consideration. Rather than crediting specific ingredients that heal, it leads readers to specific products that contain those ingredients (water and electrolytes in Gatorade, peppermint in Altoids, baking soda in Alka Seltzer, oats in Quaker Oats, etc.). Furthermore, it includes some remedies that have incomplete information (Wesson Corn Oil for mites, Dawn for fleas, Colgate for burns) and others that are potentially hazardous (Bounce on stinking pets, Listerine for toenail fungus and blisters, Formula 409 for insects). Instead of calling for fingernail polish or glue, it goes out of the way to mention Maybelline or Elmer’s Glue. There are unnecessary mentions of brands throughout the list (like Aunt Sue’s and Band-Aid for raw honey cures). In fact, the entire article reads like a giant advertisement.

There are home remedies everywhere you look on the Internet, some valid and others complete fabrications. Of course there are tried products that combine a healing cocktail of ingredients, but unless those ingredients are explained, there’s reason to be suspicious. Without first researching products for the chemicals and additives they contain, there is no reason to believe that they are beneficial. As there are many claims of home remedies on the Internet, it is important for readers to do their own research and be skeptical of information that does not include cited sources. 

Scanty nourishment and the permanent lack of microelements and vitamins made people of the Bubal tribe ask their only wealth - cows - for help. The tribers learned that eating the menstrual matter of cows helps them fight such diseases as rachitis, scurvy and leukemia.

The mysterious tribe and their cows roam on the border between Kenya and Somalia. This is the only nation in the world, which practices a very unusual tradition: their children eat cows' menstrual matter until they get married. The Bubals believe that the licking of cow's vagina makes would-be warriors strong and courageous. Italian scientists have recently discovered that the menstrual matter of cows is a source of such vitamins as B6, B12, E and D. In addition, it makes up the deficiency of iron, magnesium, phosphorus, calcium and potassium. That is why, scientists think, cows protect the tribe from the most horrible disease of the region - anemia (the lack of haemoglobin). The most interesting thing happens afterwards, though. Hormone changes become extremely conspicuous with all males of the African tribe, after they reach puberty: their testicles grow up to 70-80 centimeters in diameter. The "miracle of nature" happens on account of the untraditional nourishment that tribal individuals practice in their adolescence. The hormone-rich menstrual secretion of the cattle causes irreversible hormone changes with humans. It is noteworthy, that such giant testicles do not exert any negative influence on the reproductive function, although they do cause many other obvious problems. Tourists from all over the world are ready to pay huge money to take a look at giant testicles. Tourists' money help the tribal nation improve the quality of their meals. It is not ruled out that the next generation of Bubals will have nothing to boast with. Express Gazeta

Worlds Fastest Electric Car

Is Jon Stewart America's most trusted financial voice?

Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer: The fool wins

Click here: "Lion Whisperer" Tempts Fate

Media Matters - Myths and falsehoods about the purported link between affordable housing initiatives and the financial crisis..

Click here: Law.com - Obama Administration Releases Secret Bush Anti-Terror Memos

Shepherds with too much time on their hands.

True Story
Some of the true stories we get in our email are far from true. However, we checked this one out, and it's true alright. Feel free to pass it on.

FBI agents conducted a "search and seizure" at the Southwood Psychiatric Hospital in San Diego, which was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.  After hours of poring over many rooms of financial records, some sixty FBI agents worked up quite an appetite. The case agent in charge of the investigation called a local pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place:

Agent: Hello. I would like to order nineteen large pizzas and sixty-seven cans of soda.

Pizza man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: To the Southwood Psychiatric Hospital.

Pizza man: To the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.   

Pizza man: And you say you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza man: And you're over at Southwood?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza man: And everyone at Southwood is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza man: How are you going to pay for this?

Agent: I have my check book right here.

Pizza man: And you are all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right, everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza man: I don't think so. 

Eric and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.  One day they decide that they want to get married, so Eric goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
 
Eric bravely walks up to him and says, 'Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.'
 
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, 'Well Eric, you are only 10.

Where will you two live?'
 
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Eric replies, 'In Jenny's room.  It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.'
 
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, 'Okay then how will you live?

You're not old enough to get a job.  You'll need to support Jenny.'
 
Again, Eric instantly replies, 'Our allowance.  Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.  That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.'
 
Mr. Smith is impressed Eric has put so much thought into this.. 
 
'Well Eric, it seems like you have everything figured out.  I just have one more question..

What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?'
 
Eric just shrugs his shoulders and says, 'Well, we've been lucky so far.'
 
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little s**t is so adorable.

Proud to be a golfer

A recent study found the average American golfer, walks about 900
miles a year.

Another study found American golfers drink, on  average, 22 gallons of
alcohol a year.

That means, on average, American golfers get about  41 miles to the
gallon.

Kind of makes you proud.

Cindi is 5 and learning to read.

She points at a picture in a zoo book and says,

"Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Mama takes a deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama!

It says so right on the picture!"

And so it does ..

"A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on Phonics strikes again!